wow haven't blogged in awhile.. well hmmm what has been up in my life.. not much.. i feel a lil left outty tho.. i'm on restriction ryte now and i can't go out at all.. but for some reason even when i wasn't on restriction things have been weird.. friends and i have drifted apart from each other.. and if yer reading this mark don't worry i ain't fighting with RACHEL okay... ANYWAYS... nothing much has really happened he past couple days.. there's a surprise party coming up this friday.. and i have to go so there's no NO'S of me going.. ish gonna be kewlio.. =) hmmmm i feel like a LONER dengit... i don't have my baby to hold here and stuffz.. but like.. my friends always got their man and they tell me how they miss them all the time and it sucks.. knowing that the guy i like is in seatown and my guy is here.. i kinda wish sometimes that i didn't have to see my friends with their boyfriends so i wouldn't have to worry so much about my angel.. ahhh oh well it's a part of life.. i always end up not being the one to hold my baby when they're holding theres.. sooner OR later peeps.. sheesh.. =) SUMMER.. all day everyday.. hehehe well i would hope so.. sooooo yeah.. hmmmmm

WASL tests i hate them don't you?!?

wowie well anyways yeah i'm just on here to tell you about my day yesterday actually i did talk about my day yesterday but gyeah anyways uhmmmm last night was crazy i wasn't even able to talk to my baby... ish okaes tho.. anihowz.. hmph* things are crazy at home.. i'm dealing with it tho.. things are up with my mommy and i'm worried anywayz.. uhmmm gyeah.. i talked to latoiya for like 6 hours.. deng girl.. heheh i durnoe things have changed between me and a couple people now.. i became close to latoiya now.. and i'm glad that i became friends with her again.. we get along so well.. hehehe anywayz.. i totally fergot to call raych... mai badd girl.. sowwies.. when i got off the phone it was like about 3:00 in the morn... meeh sowwies.. you must be out ryte now tho.. all gewdy... out with yer mayan?!? what's up did he call you yet?!? sheesh... anyways girl... gyeah ish yer man's b-day soon... YAY.. heheh yeah james is excited about coming over here next sat. so we can all kick it.. gyeah.. meeh excited too.. anyways ima be back laterz.. peace..

song "get away" by Avant

I'm back again, in this town, to find a girl that i used to know.
I bumped into, a friend of mine, and she told me where to go.
She said go right down, the 56th street, make a left at the corner store.
There'll be a house in the alley way,
Hope she didn't move away.
I pray she's still around,
But somebody came to the door that I didn't know,
And I knew to let it go,
Is it over, all over.
I let a good girl get away

Chorus:
How could I ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
So many words that I had to say,
And baby I miss you and I need you your love,
How could i ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
It could've been our anniversary,
I'd do anything to have you right here in my arms.

Remember when, we talked about,
All the things that we planned to do.
Our wedding day, our house in the valley,
Maybe a kid or two.
We could've had it all babe,
But somehow it all fell apart.
I agree to take the blame,
See I'm feeling so ashamed.
I never should've lied.

Bridge:
I'd give anything (I'd do anything baby)
To see your pretty face again.
Hold you, to feel you,
Heaven give me one more chance.

How could I ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
So many words that I had to say,
And baby I miss you and I need you your love,
How could i ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
It could've been our anniversary,
I'd do anything to have you right here in my arms.

If only it were possible,
For me to turn back the hands of time.
I'd do anything, give anything,
Just to make her mine,
I can't live without your love babe,
I can't go on another day.
Where did she go?
I gotta know.
I let a good girl get away

How could I ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
So many words that I had to say,
And baby I miss you and I need you your love,
How could i ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
It could've been our anniversary,
I'd do anything to have you right here in my arms.

Bridge
I'd give anything (I'd do anything baby)
To see your pretty face again.
Hold you, to feel you,
Heaven give me one more chance.

How could I ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
So many words that I had to say,
And baby I miss you and I need you your love,
How could i ever let her get away?
Today is not a happy day,
It could've been our anniversary,
I'd do anything to have you right here in my arms.

long long day.... this week is finally over with... anyways ever since the beginning of this week it's all be STRESS for me.. i have dealt with some bullshit in the past couple of days.. things that have happened have pissed me off so much.. just the littlest things naw mean?!? ahhh well anyways if you have read what i wrote couple days ago.. i'm actually the person to whom that was to now knows how i feel.. i'm glad that i told her and ish about what i've been thinking for the longest time.. anyways.. yeah i guess EVERYTHING between her and i are kewl.. i want to get one thing straight tho.. i'm not happy that mark had to read what i wrote to rachel.. thank you mayan.. that was hellah nice of you to do?? (sarcasm).. anyways yeah i just wanted to get my point straight.. i was ticked off that day so things came out.. and yah know what? i'm proud of expressing how i felt.. i should do that more often.. even if it might hurt people.. ima just be truly blunt about things and just tell people how i really feel.. not be afraid of how that person might feel after.. i only tell what's true if something mean did come outtah my mouth.. i've changed and i think i've actually changed for the better.. i know NO ONE can ever take my happiness away.. because after all this shit that has happened i've become a stronger and better person..

the whole thing that's happening now?? dayam i durnoe what to say to you peoples.. my ateh has been going through a lot of shit now and i'm here for you... even if it's going to be hard and ish i'm always here to listen.. gyeah.. yah know that and we've been through hellah shit already so it's like yah know.. you know ima always be here for you... you know i don't take sides.. so don't even think i'll ever do that to you silly.. yah know i love you girl.. ish just i guess it's hard for some people to accept things yah know..?? kuya jaime doesn't mean for it to get all out of hand.. but he's just being a big brother and kinda understand what his point of view is... cause i'm really trying to make him understand yours.. eddie is yer boyfriend.. and kuya should understand.. but by the way i see it.. it's gonna take some time for him.. because jaime loves you.. and he's just watching out for you like everyone else.. basically he doesn't want you hurt.. and he doesn't want you to rush into things with eddie... and i hope you understand that girl.. cause i was talking to my bro and he told me the exact same thing.. it's just hard to accept the things that are surprising sometimes... a lot of things are way more worse then this.. this is just a problem that you guys are going to have to talk about.. and just learn to deal with... naw mean ateh?? i love you girl... kuya jaime yer the kewlest and i know yer just watching out for rachel... you guys should talk... anyways visit their BLOGS

rackehlz bloggie (hehe ateh rachel) & ha-miz bloggie (hoy!! my kuya jaime)

anyways about my babu ooooo he's the love of my life did you know that peoples??? oooo deng.. heheheh i love you so much hun.. i think we've grown much closer to each other now.. wow.. i'm so happy that i'm still heheh wif yew in a way.. gyeah.. i'm so glad that we're the best of friends... =) awwwwww mayan i have the funnest times with you.. and i just love hearing that voice that i love so much... you soothe me with that voice babe.. heheheh kaes anyways baby just wanted to tell you that i miss you so much and that i love you VERY MUCH so.. =)

i haven't blog in so long. but yeah anyways peoples that entry from 4:06 p.m. today was the shit i put on my r-a-y-j-a-y site. whateverz man, i just came home from her dropping me off.. actually her mom dropping meeh off, and yeah i'm pissed off. i got a note from her two actually and it made me really mad. am i suppose to feel guilty for feeling the way i do? hell fucking no. sh!t. i'm tired of this shit and i'm done with fighting with you. don't you get it.?!? the more i fight with you the more i hate being near you. i hate being around people i don't get along with. we don't talk in the morning and then when you get in an argument with someone else you come up to me and ask me a question like we're cool? what's up with that? that's the other thing i hate you act like we're cool when we're not after having a bad note on the phone. i don't understand sometimes. i want to think things through and i want to have some time to realize how our friendship is going. our friendship right now is on the line girl. and i really dont' know what to do. you have your habits of assuming to much. and when i want to tell you something you are just like "whatever". wtf is that?? that shows you don't care. then the other thing is that marlon always catches you madd dawging me when we argue.??? shit... why you doing that?? you madd dawg when my back is turned but you don't do it when i'm in front of your face? i read your blog and you know what i see???

"earlier this morning was the first time i cried in like a week or so. when i cried before it was from missing someone, but this time its different. instead of missing someone, i could be losing someone, or more like some people. once again i've gotten my friends mad at me. i've tired to deal with it, by just pushing it aside like its nothing. its not working though. i've said this before. im not perfect, and i've never been perfect. people make mistakes, but what am i supposed to do about. forgive and forget. normally when ever i cried i turned to one of the muskeeteers, but what happens if they are the ones that are mad at you? i know what to do, you hold it inside like its nothing, and dont worry about it. time to put on a fake smile and let everyone know that nothings wrong. im out.."

aiight.. a couple things to say about you blog for today.... you know what you got that one right with you getting us mad.. because you assumed and you didn't listen to what i was saying on the phone. you have an attitude about things, and i hope you know that it's not only me who sees this in you. i'm sorry if you cried and that if you feel this way..?? but have you asked how i have been doing?? do you know if i have cried do you know anything anymore?? no cause you dont' seem to ask about anything anymore. "if they are the ones that are mad at you?" to bad YOU made me mad.. and that YOU made sheila mad.. so you were the cause of that.... you assumed s. was dawging you when she wasn't.. and you assumed you knew everything that i had to say yesterday on the phone?! "time to put on a fake smile and let everyone know that nothings wrong" umm alright... to bad you have everyone asking me and s. what happened?!? basically half the people in the skewl already know what the heck happened.... pssssssh i can't believe i'm mad already.. but hey don't i have the right to be mad?!? and hey since you dawg me like people see you do.. can't i dawg you too!?? nah.. i don't think i will cause that just shows me being like you.. and i'm not like that to my friends... peace...

__0000001__

first of all i want to get one thing straight i`m not going to fix up this page anymore. because everytime i get in a fight with you i just end up deleting all the ish i put in here. i made this page because i wanted people to see how close we were and to share our friendship with others. but i decided to change all that once i got your note you sent me on my aa acount. okay. don`t question what i put on the page i created okay. the other thing is that the last time i came on this dayam sn was a month ago. "you think you know them" came from the time you made me mad and i asked you to get out of my car. yeah, that`s the time when i wrote that. okay, i was cool with you not so long ago. but dayam already. you assumed that i wrote that yesterday or something. ahhh shyet. see what i mean.

__0000002__

second of all i`m not the cause of your unhappiness. it`s like your making this all as a guilt tripp. you make me frieken feel guilty for being mad sometimes. i have the right to be mad when i want to be, and i really don`t are what anybody else thinks. i can say what i want when i want. and you know what? sometimes i just don`t say anything at all because i`m afraid it would hurt you if i straight out told you how i feel sometimes when we get intro arguments. i seriously do not like fighting with you, and when we do it makes me want to quit with the arguments and just ignore them and not fix the problem. i`ve really tried to act the wayi feel. but when you lay guilt tripps, i get mad and i start to not even care about how i feel and care about you feel. when do i ever think about myself? when you have your problems i always drop mine to help you on yours. and when i have problems i still drop them. see?? okay, get mad if you want to. i`m not assuming that you are. but get mad, because after thinking about all this ish that`s been going on between you and i? i have really just put it aside and i`ve made some new rules in my life.

__0000003___

the third thing i want to make clear is that, i`m TIRED of being stressed over stupid arguments with you. you ASSUME to much and that`s the MAIN thing that only pisses me off. i read your blog for 04/24/01 and you know what?? it`s like your blaming sheila and i on your unhappiness. i care about your happiness but if your blaming us, we`re not the cause of that. you put that on yourself for even thinking stuff like that in the first place. i am just tired of assumptions, but sorry to say but i`m not saying i don`t want to be friends with you, but you have gone way over your head on the things you think are going on. you ask me to lie, then phuck i will just for you. but just cause i said what i said doesn`t mean that i meant it. dayam, your the only one who doesn`t have the patience to listen sometimes that`s why i just give up on you and frieken ignore you. i get so mad at you that i know if you get in my face my anger will just blow up in your face and i`ll say some stuff you don`t want to hear. i`m done man for real. this is my thoughts on what`s going on, so now that i`ve opened up my mouth i have nothing else to say to you or anybody else.

[+] mood speechless

in loving memory of michael our brother

a recent tragedy has happened to one of our dear friends...mike shipley....he committed suicide thursday april 12, 2001... he was found on a dirt road where he shot himself fataly on the head... there was no way we could bring him back.. i was just shocked that this even came about.. when my ateh rachel told me i couldn't believe it i knew i had to call my kuya jaime... that's when i really knew... for a fact that what i heard happened?!? happened... i want everyone to know that he was a wonderful friend, who always got you to laugh when you were down.. he was always there to listen to you when you needed someone to talk to.. he always had his ways to just cheer you up yah know? i truly haven't known him that long.. but i just believe that he has touched my heart in some way that i can't describe.. many of us especially my friends.. josh & kenny were saddened by this news..kyle i know that mike is in a place where he can look down on you and watch over you... you guyz were best friends...and kyle just know that we are all here for you... how could a friend of ours who had everything in the world take his life away.. i don't blame him for doing what he did because i understand what went through his mind.. he just had so much just pushed down on him.. so much that he just couldn't take it anymore... something triggered that and i hope that person knows how many people out there are dissapointed by what he did... i went to church tonight to pray for mike.. and to be there for my friends.. who were all very close to him... someone whom i thought wouldn't ever be my friend anymore.... josh.. hugged me and he smiled.. with joy.. he was happy.. i haven't seen him this happy in so long.. when i hugged him back this sense of relief just came out of me... i wasn't saddened by what happened anymore.. i was happy that i got to know someone who was a wonderful person and friend.. who i could always count on... you will always be remembered in our hearts.. and the memories and moments will always be kept forever.. i love you mike.. we all love you.. i know you are now much happier where yer at.. i'll see you there soon...

rest in peace mike shipley

a friend of mine passed away......... michael shipley you will always be remembered..

maaaaaayyyyyyyyannnn why am i so tired?!? errr ferget about what happened today ima just chill on this comp and talk to someone .. babu... okaes bye bye bye

this design right now is hellah temporary because i haven't thought of a gewd idea yet to use for my blog site.. i've had some complaints about my blog site.. so i changed it.. dayaaam.. well anyways yeah ummm this be it for now don't really wanna write about what happened today not much happened.. i got a job app. tho for pacsun... yeah that kewl store.. so hmm yeah i guess that be it for ryte now i'll talk about what happened today later.. aiight?! bye

[+] mood boredom
hey there well anyways yeah i'm in skewl ryte now and i'm hellah bored we have to work on this term paper. and yeah i really ain't working on it. hmmmm yeah lalalalala i have this really kewl skater friend named ian and he's funny.. he likes to harass me a lot.. babu!! you should kick his ass... hahahah juss kidding well anyways yeah he's funny tho but he touches me a lot.. yeah i know i know he be wanting me but ahhhhh oh well can't have me cause i have my babu!! i love you babu... anihow yeah i think ima get in trouble pretty soon cause i aint doing my work. but aye oh wellz not like he cares anyways (teacher) i think i'm failing english but knock on wood (( "knock knock" )) i hope not... aiighty then guys i gottah go one love.. peace say bye ian!!!! bye guys!!!! aiighty

muah i love you babu... =)

oh goshiez!! i'm talking to this guy.. he's great!!! heheh winks* he knows who he is... =) muah! i love you hmmm my babu

ahhhhh crazy crazy crazy... i'm done with this ish... i'm not pissed anymore.. ima just forget this even happened... crazy crazy crazy day... i don't even wanna think about it anymore..

[+] mood pissed & tired of all this shit

damn!! and it happened again.. i'm pissed off again!!! why the hell did you assume some shit again?!!? what the fuck i'm tired of this ------ . i'm tired dealing with all these assumptions that you always have. i was doing fine when you asked me how i was in PIC. there was nothing wrong with me. i was TIRED. i said the same thing to everyone who asked me how i was doing "i am fine", "no nothing is wrong with me". what the hell man!! why did you assume shit like that AGAIN. you always think i'm mad at you. i'm not mad at you unless i say so. this!! is mad!! now i'm mad at you, because you assumed AGAIN. it makes me mad cause it shows that you really don't care about even asking for the truth. you just believe what you think and forget about how i really do feel. thanks a lot. anyways, by the way you ask kuya if i spoke to him?? yeah, alright. i get it now. so hmmmm are you thinking that i'm telling everybody in the whole wide world our problem?!?! << see i asked. i didn't assume. forget this mayan. you got yer jacket out of my hand i asked you nicely what was wrong with you, and you roll your eyes and say "gosh why are you always mad at me?!?" okay whatever. marlon always catches you rolling your eyes at me and making those looks whenever we're in a fight. at least i don't do that to you. man, you don't care do you?! because you basically shut your van door while i was talking. yeah, that shows it all. you either walk away from the situation or you basically SHUT ME OUT. thanks for treating me like a friend. at least when i fight and argue with you i don't walk away. i stay there and keep talking cause i can take whatever comes to me. but can't you ever just stand there ONCE just once to listen to how i see it, and how i fucking feel?!?. shit, i'm tired fighting with you.. i'm tired of even trying to talk about it with you you always SHUT me out. ASK BEFORE YOU ASSUME SOMETHING i've always told you that, because all our fights are always beginning with assumptions. whatever man!!!! you just never ask me, do you know me?!?!? fuck, i tell people if i'm mad at them okay, so if i say i'm not mad at you i'm not mad at you.. but right now... do you want to ask me if i'm mad or do you want to assume again?!? well, do whatever. because i am mad at you, for ignoring what i had to say. BYE

exactly tells you babes what i think about you...
listen to this song "the way you do" by 98 degrees

[+] mood thinking

words from the heart....

i've thought a lot about what we talked about last night and i realized why things happened the way they did on saturday. i want to tell you that no matter what i'm always going to be here for you, no matter what happens between us. we've been friends for about 9 months now, and i want to tell you this friendship that i share with you is something way beyond compare to the rest out there. you are truly a smart, amazing, sweet, caring, loving person, and i just want to thank you for always being there, honest, & true with me. sometimes you know how i am when i don't want to hear that we're just friends and all, but baby don't you know that i know already? it hurts sometimes to hear those words "friends" cause i truly believe that we're something more. i only share my love with you, i share my happiness with you, i share my world with you. i've only seen it as you and me in this world ever since i met you. i have grown/change so much with you by my side. i think i have changed for the better. i didn't like how i was before, i thought i was a person whom no one would like before i met you, i had so many probs with friends, but now things have changed. i'm a much more outgoing person, and i really look at a whole lot of things way differently then i used to before. i really wanna just thank you for everything.. exactly that.... you are the one i've been searchin for...

we have recently spoke about the situation.. and i hope we're doing okay.. i think i've just ruined things between us.. but i hope not.. i always end up jinxing myself.. i say things cause it hits my mind.. and then out of nowhere it ends up happening.. that's why i guess i'm so worried sometimes.. i'm so afraid to lose you to someone else.. i'm afraid that any day now you can just walk out of my life... and i'll end up feeling this loneliness ... without ever feeling the happiness you have put into my life.. i have never seen myself so happy just to hear someone's voice.. just to hear someone say "i love you.. when you call me i would know already yer gonna call but i get excited anyways.. just to hear yer voice... and hear you say "i love you" dayaaaaaam baby.. you know how that makes me feel?!?.. comeplete fulfillment.. true happiness..dayaaam i'm in love with you.. sometimes i just don't know what to do...

[+] mood missing & reminiscing

quotes

"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen" "You don`t marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without" "Love is like the piano, first you must learn to play the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart" "Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all" "If you love someone,let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don`t, their love was never yours to begin with" "Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are" We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn`t diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives." "Relationships of all kinds are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." Relationships often start out full of hope and joy, the participants sure of themselves and sure of each other`s love, and then end up more like a pair of gladiators than lovers. When we are disillusioned, bitter, and wounded, we tend to blame the other person for difficulties that were actually present long before we ever met. Without seeing clearly into our own natures we will be quite likely to repeat our mistakes the next time love comes our way. It is not always easy to accept, but knowledge of ourselves can improve our chances for personal happiness. It is not just by predicting when some loving person will walk into our lives, but by helping us come to grips with our failures and reinforce our successes.

say that you'll be my man baby...........................

gosh i wish you were mine.... i'd treat you so right...

my best friend............ the love of my life........=\ what am i going to do....=*(
i'm in love with him.... do i keep feeling this way..?!? errrrrr i want him as my boy
it would just be more ahhh .. what's the word.. i durnoe.. =*( i want my baby...
my angel.. my best friend.. as my man...hmph*... if only my wishes could come true

[+] mood errrrrrrrrrrrr

i really don't got much to say right now.. yesterday i had a lot of fun hanging with my baby and all.. but gyeah it's different now.. yah know what i mean?!? all gewdy tho babes.. we don't gottah be like that anymore... hmmm yeah anihows we got our sadies outfits for our dance in oly.. yeah he's my date so it's gonna be tytey tyte.. heheh hmmmmm well yeah we wearing red nautica shirts.. and khakis.. meeh gonna wear a khaki skirt and gyeah for the first time yuck.. hmmmm yeah well i haftah get white sandals but to bad i'm broke i hope i can find a pair befor saturday.. damn i got skewl tomorrow this sucks i don't wanna go to skewl i hate skewl.. skewl ewwwwww.. just the thought of it.. errrrrrr i have to see all these people again.. not trying to be hating or anything.. but it was nice juss staying at home not ever dealing with shit.. but eerrrrrrrrrr skewl... damn damn damn.. i have a bad mouth today sorry about that you guyz.. for some reason i'm a lil ticked off.. but ima kewl i guesshiez.. hmmm i wish i could have done what i've been wanting to do for so long now yesterday.. but it didn't happen.. if only things we're a lil easier in a way for me to just open up and do what i wanna do.. but it's not.. i'm so worried about how he might feel after i actually do it... yah know what i mean?!? now it leaves me wondering what could've happened now... oh wellz.. i really wanna hook up with him.. like forealz.. but i durnoe... something just does not feel the same anymore.. is it that we're to close now.. why is it when i'm so in love and so into that one person... we end up deciding on not even trying a relationship out... but but.. we haven't really spoken about it yet tho... ahhhhhhh i just love him so much right now.. and it's just weird just seeing him as my best friend... cause i see him as being someone more then that... errrrrrrrrr i want him... damn damn damn... bye guyz i'm out now..

[+] mood tired & excited

ahhhhhhhhhh i'm tired ryte now.. i don't even wanna start bloggin yet not till tonight a lot ish gonna happen today ima see my baby today.. so hehehe i'm hellah excited about that in a couple of hours my baby will finally be in my arms.. =) YAY.. hehehe i'll come back laterz to tell you all about it.. bye bye deng.. sign the bookie!! chris i'll sign yers soon heheh bye bye bye

[+] mood frustrated but happy

i'm frustrated right now because of something that someone told me and i'm worried.. deng mayan it's gonna be on my mind now.. i truly hope and pray to god that this ain't true.. and that it's not really what someone might think it is.. shyetz.. =*(

i'm happy cause my baby and i talked and we had such a wonderful conversation i was so happy that him and i got to talk about some things.. which made things actually better.. heheh how much better can it get though?!? muah!

i'm going to go to sleep now.. and ima pray that it's not going to happen to me or that person... argh* shyet i'm scared... i don't think it is mayan.. dengit

[+] mood tired & sleepy

back early from my vacation

alright wow.. this two day vacation turned into a one day vacation instead... but wow that one day vacation was hellah fun...it was about a 3 hour drive i left my house around 9:00 a.m... and deng i was so hyped up into spending time with my papi, mami, and my wonderful ateh rachel... hehehe straight up we scrubbed like whoa.. so much happened tho.. deng i love nature!!... it's so beautiful hehehe forealz.. we went to the "HOH forest" and it was hellah nice.. raych and i did at least 5 miles walking around the whole forest.. we collected all these rocks and ish.. and then hmmmm yeah there were these chinese guys we saw checkin us out hahahah that was hellah phunnie.. and then hmmmm not much after that we just walked around throughout the whole forest and we took hellah pictures around the whole olympic national park... it was so nice... i remembered the first place we took pics at it was by "Lake Crescent" WOW.. that place is so nice.. did yah know that lake crescent is 9 miles long in length.. and 624 feet in depth.. deng i was so surprised when i looked at the water.. cause it was so clear the different shades of blue.. deng.. you could tell where the depth of it changed cause it got darker.. scared me a lil cause i've never been that close to deep water before.. but anyways yeah... hmmmm we got to this motel up in forks where our main destination was at and it was hellah kewl.. it all smelled nice inside.. hehehe me and raych liked it.. i got the farthest side of the bed.. hehehe my fave spot.. lolz.. hmm yeah the drive to the Hoh forest was about 30 minutes... and we stayed there for like 2 hours or an hour.. then after that we went to RUBY BEACH.... man!!!!! this beach is what you call a real beach.. gawsh deng... i wanna go back there again.. i am so in love with that place.. the view i saw was so beautiful.. it made me wish my babes was with me... deng... i'm so serious this view was so amazing... i was all running around the rocks and ish.. and i wrote me and my ateh raych's name in the sand.. then i wrote myne and my babes.. heheh =) it was just a place so breath taking.. this place can't be described i'm so serious this was my most favorite vacation out of all of the vacations i have ever taken.. it was that good.. i have never seen anything more beautiful then that beach that i saw.. me and my ateh raych were all getting each other wet it was so funny.. she got wet cause i splashed her with water and then she was like "hey yer not all that wet so you have to get more wet" so i sat down on this rock not knowing that the tide would reach me.. and then "BOOM" there it went.. my butt was soaked with water... i stood up and i splashed rachel some more and told her it wasn't fair how she was all dry... so she got wet a lil.. hehehe then i saw this other area of the beach that was much more closer to the tide and her and i decided to act hellah phunnie and run across the sand like them baywatch babes.. hehehe not knowing how deep it was cause the water camaflouged the sand.. i fell in half way to my knees.. and then rachel fell in half way to her hips.. we were so soaked.. so rachel went to her mom.. while i got closer to the water.. and the waves.. i'm a fanatic to beaches.. if anyone can take me to a beach then deng take me.. cause i will love you forealz.. heheh but yeah ateh raych was saying i wasn't that wet enough so i got myself wet again.. hehehe i jumped in when the wave hit and i ended up being way more wet then her.. which was aiight i guess.. heheh my auntie took a pic of me all soaked it was kewl.. once i get my pics up ima post em.. cause my uncle has to get them developed.. so yeah... after that we just went to diffrent parts of the beach taking pictures.. and it was coo.. had fun... =) then we went back to the motel.. i slept on ateh's lap until we got back.. then gyeah took a shower then we all went out to eat at this chinese restaurant which was aiight i guess.. didn't like the food much but it was aiight.. then yeah.. went to sleep around 12:00 in the morn.. i could go to sleep tho until 4:00 in the morn.. cause i was juss so wide awake.. we woke up the next day which is today around 8:00 and we left around and we headed out to RIALTO BEACH... OMG!!!!! this place people is so GAWSH DENG breathtaking too!!!!!!!!!! i have never scene such a view like this either.. i mean the waves were so big.. and it was cold/windy/rainy and i was out there witnessing something magnificent.. this view man forealz was wonderful... i was standing ryte by the water while the waves hit and deng.. i just stood there staring straight out at nothing but water.... and rocks in the middle of the Pacific ocean.. it was beautiful... =) then we went to another side of the Rialto beach and we just took some more pics and raych finally got out of the van and she stood out there with me.. just having the wind knocked out of us cause it was so strong.. heheh =P then hmmm... we were all soaked and wet from the rain heheheh then yeah.. raych and i slept thorugh the rest of the trip way back home.. until i mentioned something about going to see a waterfall.. called "miramere waterfall" which was also located in the olympic national park.. deng.. that was so nice too.. a hellah of a nice workout.. we watched the waterfall just come down we were so close to it and all... we walked prolly another 3 miles through that whole thing.. or about 2 miles.. which was tyte.. then yeahz.. heheheh i have a new nickname "MARSHMELLOW" because... when i was out in the rain admiring the view of the RIALTO beach.. i wore like 2 under shirts.. with a sweatshirt.. and then over it with a big poofy jacket... with my beanie which really made me all chunky lolz.. looking like a marshmellow.. lolz.. it was so funny.. raych has a new nickname too DUMBO.. hahahah hey DUMBO where are yer ears?!?!?!?! lolz.. hehehe mayan i had so much fun with rachel her and i didn't have a fight at all!!... i was so happy that her and i got along well.. it showed that we just gottah ignore them meanie times and just laugh about it yah know?!? so anyhowz yeah..after that we went home.. slept through the whole way home.. and now i'm here.. hehehe

i missed my angel like whoa_wow i missed you like whoa sweety even tho we spoke on the phone last night i still missed you cause man i just thought about you so much yesterday.. when i was at RUBY beach i wrote our names in the sand.. and i took a pic of rememberance from it and wow hun.. i thought about you so much just sitting down and looking out at the view this place was what you call ROMANTIC.. deng i wish you were there with me to share that moment.. heheh you would have had fun too.. next time ima take you during the summer aiighty!?!?!? kaes.. well anihow sweety yeah.. mayan hunnie oh how i wish you could have came with me and my ateh raych to these beaches we visited.. argh!!! hehehe i can't wait till saturday baby... *muah* oh yeah hun.. yah know what!?!? we made history at the miramere waterfall.. hehehe i carved our names hun on the edge of this fence that seperated us from the water so when you go back there with me you'll see what i wrote.. =) heheheh then yeahz.. i threw like 2 pennies in the waterfall for some good luck so i hope i get my wish.. *wink*.. you know my wish huh?!?! i wonder....

[+] mood sad

i'm leaving today at around 8:30.. and ima miss my computer actually.. LOLZ.. hahahahah man forealz tho.. i talk to so many people on the net and it's gonna suck not being able to talk to them... i'm gonna miss my baby the most tho.. =) of course... heheh any of you figure out who he is yet?!? awwww well i'll tell you his name soon.. i just don't wanna get anybody up in mah biz thas all.. but anyways... yeah... I LOVE YOU THO ***** hehehe... my baby know's who he is.. he's my angel.. my hotboy from the 206!!? hehehe.. well anywho guyz ima be back soon so no worries.... vacation time for jessica.. i'll call you from my cell baby around 6:30 or 5:30... *muah* kisses only for you...

[+] visualize my expressionz

Through The Eyes of Love_When I think of you I think of your loving way. A way of kindness and caring that you share with others through out your life each day. You have given me a light to follow, a reason to be the best I can. You have made me realize there is more to life than just being. By giving so lovingly of yourself. I now know who I am. I am your comfort when life lets you down. I am a tender kiss upon your cheek to let you know I care. I am the voice of understanding when no one else is there. When I see your face I see an angel sent to me from heaven above. As I gaze into your eyes I am looking through the eyes of love. - written by Jessica Dela Cruz

In Knowing You_Having you in my life, however it may be, has made this life so much better for me. Before knowing you I had stopped living. I just existed from day to day. Now, I want to be more and do more. Nothing gets in my way. Just the love I feel for you has given me the strength to make it through. I anticipate every hour of loving you. In realizing this I want you to see. That through knowing you and loving you I have become a better me. - written by Jessica Dela Cruz

[+] mood undecided or decided

thinking about my one and only love_my baby i miss you... i keep wanting the days that are taking so long to go by to just hurry up and just get done with. deng.. talk about a long long week. spring break for me babes.. (not rubbing it in your face baby) hehehe well anihowz.. talk about i hellah miss you like crazy. that's just basically all that i can say. i miss hugging you and just holding you, just basically seeing that wonderful smile on your face. awwwwwww i can't wait till saturday. big hug coming your way with a kiss .. happy happy joy joy.. =P

the trip

kaes listen up.. i have this choice of staying home and or going with my ateh rachel to forks, washington for 2 days.. i haven't been away from my mom for even more then 2 days having her alone at the house scares me, i'm really overprotective when it comes to my mom i don't like it when she's home alone. hmph* no one is here to watch over her. but yeah my brother said that he might be able to be here for those 2 days. we would be leaving tomorrow which would be wednesday and then we'd come back friday during the night or during the afternoon. i really want to go because it'll give me and rachel quality time to just actually see if we can get along. it's going to be me, rachel and my papi and mami (her parents) aka my second family. it'll be cool rachel told me, and plus it would be a first for me and rachel and ish. but man, i'm just worried about my baby for saturday. what if our plans get messed up for saturday? i'm going to be so dissapointed if i'm not able to see him. i would cry for realz. i miss him so much already and if i don't see him any sooner, man i don't know what ima do. hmph* february 18th ferealz.. that was a hellah long time ago. we better be back by friday forealz lolz. heheh ateh ryte?!? anihow guyz should i go?!? or no?!??! you tell me... my mom's like are you going yes or no?!? and i'm like i durnoe i have to talk to rachel. so most likely i'm going to go, but ima call my baby in those two days with my cell phone. deng. aiight then. i've made up my mind i guess. i'm going.

[+] mood excited & confident

can my dream be fulfilled

well.. i've been thinking and i'm a lil bit interested in the modeling industry.. you know those import models.. deng i wish and i hope some day i can become one of them, i would think i'd have so much fun with it too.. i don't think ima get tired of it at all.. i just think that i have what it takes i guess... well i'm not thinking to highly of myself am i???!?? i'm not saying that i'm all better looking then all them girls because i'm not.. i don't think highly of myself like that, i just believe that if they got what it takes then don't i?!? i spoke to my kuya mark and he's actually the one that made me realize i have what it takes..

Sweet Luv N Pnoy: you know that you could be better than your cuzins....you should try modeling gurl...heehee..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: nah uh... forealz??!? yah really think so??
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: yeah i seriously do....you got tha looks gurl...heehee..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: awwww yay!! thank you kuya.. hMmmm *thinks* ima see... whoa that would be coo if i became one of them models..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: wowz..
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: LoL...yup yup....you should...hey if i start a club....you wanna be my model for tha club?? heehee
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: whoa ferealz..?!?! heheh yesh of course.. aiighty tighty =)
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: koolio..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: meeh scared to try out for one of them import model jobs tho..
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: cuz i'm getting a job so i could pay for fixing up my car....then i'm going to look for peepz to be in my club....and when i do get it started...i'm gonna keep in touch with you so if by this summer....you could take pics with my car....heehee..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: whoa really..?!?! hehehe YAY.. that would be kewl..
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: yup yup...
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: i'm a lil intimidated tho by all those import models.
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: don't be.....you got tha looks...
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: there are a lot of ugly gurlz modeling for import cars...and i know you look a lot better than them...
Sweet Luv N Pnoy: heehee...if you ask my sister...she would think you could do it...heehee..
SmpLYxiReSisTbLe: awwww sheesh.. yayz.. i hope i become one of them.. that would be so kewl..

i hope that i do make it in the industry.. cause like wow.. for some reason i have this urge now of wanting to be a model.. if i don't end up becoming a model then it's okay.. i talk a lot about becoming an import model with my kuya jamie too.. and like.. should i try it out?!? or should i not.. who knowz ryte?!? mayan.. i'm only 16 but can't a girl dream... hmph* well anihowz.. ima listen to my kuya mark and i'll see where i'll end up in the next couple of years... =)

[+] mood dizzy & tired

about my day.. well wow.. it was a long long day.. my lil sistah finally called rachel.. shyetz... took her forever.. her mom was home and she wasn't suppose to go out so she had to sneak out for her to hang with us today at the mall. it was quite fun, hehehe.. well from the beginning after my last blog i made today.. i had to hurry up and clean the house and take a shower and stuff so i left the door unlocked for rachel to come in.. so while i was getting ready my ateh rachel was kind enough to clean the kitchen and just fix up the family room. how sweet. but yeah we were suppose to leave my house around 2 so we were purty gewd, we weren't late or anything. we parked a couple feet away from my lil sistahs house so we could pick her up, but then we had to wait a lil bit longer cause her mom was watching her, her brothers were her watch out, so she told her mom that she was just gonna go out with her brother's to her next foor neighbors house.. ateh moved the van a lil farther away from her house so gyeah it was cool we picked her up and everything went well, homegirl had everything hidden under this baggy shirt.. mayan i love my lil sis.. anihow.. yeah she changed in the van lolz.. yeah she's our lil HOE.. she was gonna look like a hoochie for us so she can scrub for some money.. lolz.. but nah our sis really ain't a hoe she's an innocent lil angel.. heheh yeah ryte.. lolz.. nah.. j/k girl.. but yeah it was coo tho lolz.. remember the BON girl?!?!? hahahah our lil secret.. hehe yeah anihow.. ummmm.. my lil sistah snatched me a ring from claire's.. wow so sweet naman.. it was a ring i wanted that said "ANGEL" on it.. whoa.. i didn't know she was really going to get it for me.. geez hellah nice.. but really bad.. =X shame shame shame.. =P hmmm.. anihow ummm after that well.. her man was there.. and awwwwwwwwwwww they're hellah cute together.. dayaaaam.. so sweet they were all kissing and cuddling and ish.. hehehe me and raych then bumped into eddie.. yupz... eddie.. yah know the one whom she thinks is really hot.. and yeah they were all eyein each other oOoOOoo sexy naman.. lolz.. =P it was so cute tho cause me and my lil sis we're hellah trying to get them to talk.. then ummm.. oh yeah i saw my lil babies.. analisa & carla at the mall it has been like forever since i last saw them two.. it was so nice to see them.... they're so pretty they've grown up a lot.. hmmm what else.. ummm yeah we had to drop off our lil sis around 4:30 but she was late.. cause we lost track of time.. so she went home around 5:30 yeah... i durnoe if she's aiight.. but i hope her mom didn't find out anything.. i don't like her mom.. =\ yuckie.. she's mean.. but hmmm after that we went back to the mall to hang with eddie.. and a couple of his friends.. and then a couple of my friends.. and it was kewl.. some more people whom i haven't seen in a long time.. and yeah.. it was nice hanging with them. it was so funny tho.. cause like darius mah ni66ah was jokin around with me trying to argue with me.. hahah to bad he was all actin stupid.. shyetz no good comebacks.. so hmmm i kinda whooped his bOotae.. hehe hmm what else.. hmmmm after that rachel and i left the mall around 5:55 or 5:45 and we decided to go rent a movie, so before that we stopped by the silverdale waterfront just to do some thinking and stuff cause i was really missing someone.. and yeah then we went to hollywood video and we rented "charlie's angels" it was a hellah tyte movie.. hehehe yeah.. it was kewl.. i was eatin a lot.. chicken yummy!!! uncle cooks good chicken rachel!! heheheh yeah.. and then i tried some of this other stuff which was good also.. hmmm.. yeah and then ummmm yeah now i'm home.. now about my baby.... read the next couple of lines.. hehehe

missing my angel_well wow.. i missed my baby hellah today.. deng yah know what was hellah sweet.. he called me from his cell after track practice just to say "i love you"... shoot did i get weak or what.. i was planning on calling him earlier but like i didn't want him to be like oh why are you calling me.. but deng.. he all called me.. i remember my reaction to.. i was just sittin around in the food court and my phone rang.. and rachel was like "oooh i bet that's your baby" and i'm like "awwwww i wish" and then on my phone it said "angel's cell" deng.. i jumped out of my chair and i was like awwwwwwwwwww.. when i heard his voice this feeling of happiness just came over me.. man, this is what love does to you for real.. just the sound of his voice or just him saying that he thought of me just man, forealz shows me how much i love him, cause those can be just the littlest things, but i see em as being way bigger then that.. =) awwwwwwww i can't wait till this saturday i'm so excited.. i can't wait to see you baby.. i love you

[+] mood relieved & bored

am i in love or what?!?!? deng... my heart is HAPPY

finally........baby guess what?!? i finally got that guy off my case.. see you don't need to kick his a** anymore.. i told him to just straight up leave me alone and to just let me be happy with you. yah know i don't want anybody else but you.. i am so sorry that you had to find that out.. but you were right tho hunnie i couldn't handle him , but see i finally told him off for real, he understands straight up now, I LOVE YOU baby. you know it's only you that i love. remember all the things i said last night?!? well, yeah.. i meant every word...

hmph!!! dayaaaaaaaam maria where the heck are you at yer taking hellah just to call me and rachel.. are we still gonna kick it sheesh?!?! deng.. we don't even know where the rest of the guys are at.. none of you guyz have been online... omg.. raych and i are all trippin.. mayan for real if no one calls rachel and i are just going to bounce.. shoOoOoot...

bleeeeeeeeehhhhhh..... bye people!!

[+] mood in love, happy, & tired song "something inside of me" by kci & jojo

"something inside of me, that i want the whole world to see"

thinking about my angel_is it me or am i just in love?! for real you people don't even know how my heart really feels for this guy. he is my everything. i told him last night on the phone that i would wait forever just to be with him, and he started smiling and he was just awwwwwed by it. i was just so happy last night when i spoke to him on the phone. he is such a wonderful guy. amazing is the word. we spoke about how things are going to change when he moves here. i'm so excited about him coming here. but in a way i'm a little scared cause i don't know what's gonna happen when he does, yah know?! more then anything i want him to come here but i'm just scared that he might start to like another girl, and all that other stuff. but i think... no?? gosh, i don't know the only thing i do know is that i can't wait to finally be with him, more hugs, kisses, and just more time to spend time with him. gosh, i just want to see him so bad right now, last time i saw him was february 18th i miss my baby (frowns). he made me smile so much on the phone last night, his voice just soothes me for real.

long conversation

guess what guyz?!? i spoke to ------ on the phone last night, right after i got off with my baby i called her because i remembered i had to call her back once i got off with him cause she wanted to talk to me, oh wow special me. i called her and she told me that she was confused about some things, and being a friend that i always am i listened and helped her out. i don't know if it worked but i think talking about it made her feel a whole lot better. she's going through a lot of relationship confusement. so are a lot of people. but i think she's just dealing with hellah stress right now because she doesn't know what to feel. she misses this guy a whole lot, and i think i made her smile cause i kept mentioning eddie. LoLz, i wonder who i've been talking about now?!? nah, i bet not. anyways, i think that eddie is a great guy for her, but i accept and understand the fact that she still has feelings for that one other guy. i don't like him anymore like i used to, he treated my friend like shyet and he hurt her feelings so maybe i should hurt him huh!? deng, that meanie head i hope that he'll get a taste of his own medicine. loser. you hurt my friend like that then i'll hurt you. you made a big mistake buddy letting her go. i can't believe how you did that stupid sh*t. she can find more fishes in the sea, but since she's still feeling it for you, i can't be a mean friend and dislike her choice, but i can be a nice one and help her out through her situation even if it is getting her back with you.

[+] mood happy

missing my angel_you happen to miss that person right now. and it's just hard not being able to talk to them even if it hasn't even been more then a day. you're heart just feels lonely not having them there to talk to. if only things weren't so complicated sometimes because of the distance. we've lasted so long loving each other, and it's amazing to look back at everything we've been through. you have become a friend, close friend, and even more to me. you have simply came into my life and turned it into a life worth living because i have you. i can't be any happier. you have gotten me absolutely head over heels over you. i've fallen for you. i can't help but fall for you. you are just way to perfect. you have a loving heart, a personality i love getting to know, and just a smile that can light up a room filled with gloom and sadness. you have every single quality i want in someone, i thank god for bringing you to me. i still think about how my life would be if you never entered my life. i would be the same as before lonely, sad, depessed, & discouraging to myself. but you've made me look at my life in a way i've never looked at it before. thank you for being that friend to turn my frowns into smiles, and for that friend who has taught me how to love someone, and i mean truly love someone. i love you

meeting new people

meeting people whom you thought you'd never meet in your life. wow. i just met some new cool people the other day. yesterday my homegirl maria introduced myself and rachel to these guys, whom i thought were quite nice. i knew three of them. eddie, jobert & kenny. they were all sweet people. wow. i spoke to jobert a long time agoz, i think way back in 9th or 8th grade when i used to like him. it was so funny back then because that's when hellah girls were trippin over him. so i backed off. anihowz, yeah i heard of kenny, and met kenny from tracy. he's a cool guy to talk to especially when you need a good laugh. he made me laugh hellah today. it was my first time ever chatting with him online and it was so funny cause we were talking about how we were gonna race our cars once he gets his license. yeah ryte ken, you ain't gonna win. you still lazy huh?!? LOLz. and then eddie, i heard of him and met him at my freshmen dance but i didn't talk to him. my friend rachel diggs him tho. she wants to hit that. hahaha. j/k. well, anyways i think me/rachel/maria/eddie/jobert/kenny/marc/greg and all these other peoples are all gonna kick it tomorrow at the mall and then go to the movies after. i hopes everyone will have money tomorrow, cause i ain't payin for all ya'll. but yeah, meeting new people especially if they're hellah cool, is cool. tyte to get to know the person, and just end up having the kewlest friendship of just laughter. i made new friends guyz!! aren't you happy for me?!? maria hehehe you're such a sweetheart lil sistah. thank you for introducing to some really kewl guys.

[+] mood dissapointed

friendships based on trust????

some things have happened in the past couple days, and i come to thinking if there are any friends out there who actually tell the truth and not hide things. it's the fact that i had to find out from someone else that pissed me off. it's not that you went ahead and did something like that, it's that you couldn't be the one to tell me such a thing. i don't know man, you say you told me but i don't remember you telling me one bit. because if i did i wouldn't have reacted the way i did. that's just mess i had to find out from mah other homegyrl. things happen, but i wish you haven't lied. i looked up to you, and the fact that you lied to me doesn't make sense. do i look at you differently because you didn't tell me?? yeah, i do. there are things you hide from me aren't there? so does that mean i'm allowed to hide things from you?!? i guess so. i always thought that we would tell each other everything and never hide anything from each other. but promises like that are never kept are they? guess not. so it's all good. i'm going to mind my own business and not even worry about what happens in your life, tell me what you want to tell me, because i ain't even gonna ask, cause you might hide it from me again.